Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
