i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
