yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Did you just see the Batmobile???
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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