Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
