I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
My vagina just recognized that song.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
