Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
