I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
