your thong is hanging out like whoa
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
