I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
