me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
