i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
