um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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