to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
