If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
