College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
