So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
