You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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