I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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