Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
