It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
