Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
