JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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