I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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