Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
