Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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