I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
