i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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