I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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