i wish my penis had a tongue
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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