Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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