so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
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