this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
