"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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