i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
