can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
