puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
is that a dick in a sweater?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
