I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
