i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
