first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
