Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
