I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
