You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
