I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
