I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
