just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
