Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
