be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
