people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
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