If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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