I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Randomize
