the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
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