You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
she looked like the before picture.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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