I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
