i jhust puked up my retainher.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
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