Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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