never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
