but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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