She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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